I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
