Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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