I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
