piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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