i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So vagazzling was a success
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
