I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
