I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
