yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
