Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
