It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
