I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
