4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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