that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
