porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
