So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
