I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize