Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
