you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
