I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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