I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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