i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
