What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
