Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
