Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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