Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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