ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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