She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
two words: eviction party
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
