her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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