He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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