Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
