I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
