If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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