I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
