i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
