You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
