well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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