lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
