She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need water and some morals
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
