I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
