I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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