Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
