you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
