My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
