I think my vagina is haunted
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
