Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
