So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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