Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
