I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
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Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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