I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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