I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
