Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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