no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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