I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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