When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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