Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
