I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
