Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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