Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
