Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
