when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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