Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
