I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
