Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
