i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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