There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
