so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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