Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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