so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
