Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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