She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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