So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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