I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
