ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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