i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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