did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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