She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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