dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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